saturday, january 16

I had a really tough time last night. I was struggling to find meaning in what I have been doing day to day for the last few months, and I broke down. A release of emotions tends to help, but truthfully, I was hoping to feel better than I do today. I have this incredible goal I am working towards, and yet I question myself every step of the way. I think I get between myself and my own happiness more than I should. I’ve realized that it’s not just one thing or one goal that will make me happy. It’s living a life of purpose, one that contains new experiences and fulfillment every day. In the midst of my emotional release last night, I was thinking about how what I truly want to do is to travel the world. To get to know different people and places well, and to absorb the beauty that they have to offer. I am hoping that by pursuing this goal of teaching, I can get myself to a place where I am financially stable and can travel more often. I can’t say with certainty that this would even be a “fix”. I just hope that it allows me to feel more connected to others and to life. It helps to remind myself that these challenging times are temporary and that I can, and will, get through them. Looking forward to more beautiful, meaningful experiences this year.

.intention.

our lives are not dependent on chance
they are due to prior circumstance 
and each day a choice is presented
to surrender, to falter
or to rise up, to conquer 
the second requires intention
and purpose by extension 
it requires being mindful 
and getting in the flow 
like the waxing crescent moon,
we must continuously yearn to grow 
soon we will decide 
why we are here 
to live a life of passion?
to live a life of fear?
each day is a chance 
to change our circumstance 
may we all act now

.renew.

i’ve seen leaves grow 
from bare bones 
as the mind reawakens 
i don’t feel so alone 
the days are longer
flowers bloom 
bending towards the light
no longer entombed 
the sun, it always shines
even with the clouds
do not underestimate the daylight
all that you are is allowed

.happiness.

yellows and golds 
were never my favorite 
my world 
it was silver and gray 
and black 
now there is more light 
and yellows dance around me
they pick me up 
when i am sad 
though those shades
linger on rainy days 
it is gold that is found
at the end of a rainbow 
when the clouds shy away