our lives are not dependent on chance
they are due to prior circumstance 
and each day a choice is presented
to surrender, to falter
or to rise up, to conquer 
the second requires intention
and purpose by extension 
it requires being mindful 
and getting in the flow 
like the waxing crescent moon,
we must continuously yearn to grow 
soon we will decide 
why we are here 
to live a life of passion?
to live a life of fear?
each day is a chance 
to change our circumstance 
may we all act now


i’ve seen leaves grow 
from bare bones 
as the mind reawakens 
i don’t feel so alone 
the days are longer
flowers bloom 
bending towards the light
no longer entombed 
the sun, it always shines
even with the clouds
do not underestimate the daylight
all that you are is allowed


yellows and golds 
were never my favorite 
my world 
it was silver and gray 
and black 
now there is more light 
and yellows dance around me
they pick me up 
when i am sad 
though those shades
linger on rainy days 
it is gold that is found
at the end of a rainbow 
when the clouds shy away

sunday, january 19

I seem to have forgotten that I created a blog section of this website to empty the contents of my mind each day and share my experience. To have something to look back on, for reflection and for growth. Since my last post in July, I feel I am doing a lot better mentally. I will always have difficult days. Days where I am less motivated, more tired and anxious, where I am worrying about my future, wondering if I’ve made any mistakes. I will also have days filled with happiness and light and love. Winter is an interesting season for me. I usually have less to look forward to as I’m typically tired and lacking energy. This year, though, it feels different. I’ve made a big decision and though I am worried as usual that maybe it’s not the right path, I am excited to pursue something new. I begin taking classes online through my local community college on Tuesday! I need to earn 27 math credits to add to the 3 that I already have so that I can become endorsed to teach secondary math! Through my work as a paraeducator, I have really fallen in love with the concepts and how it feels to help a student through a problem. I like finding shortcuts or specified tricks for solving for a particular student. Everyone is different and my goal is to teach to every student. To find ways to incorporate something into each lesson that appeals to each student as an individual. I don’t need them to leave my class loving math. I just want them to leave my class not hating it. I have difficulty committing to big decisions like this, as I have so many passions and I don’t want to end up putting in a lot of time and money if I don’t have to. I have put a lot of thought into this decision, though, and it feels good. I enjoy math, I’m good at teaching it, and I am ready for a new challenge. Influencing the lives of high school students is also incredibly rewarding. They look up to me and see me as a person, because I have chosen to see them as people too. I have way too many thoughts on this topic for one post, so I will leave it here for now: all anyone wants is to be seen and to be heard. Whether or not a person chooses to make some sort of greater, impactful mark on the world or not, they do desire these things. One of my purposes in this world will always be to help others be seen and heard, to help them realize that they are important and worthy of the life they wish to have. I am eager to begin this new chapter of my life. I can’t wait to see what it holds.

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