saturday, january 16

I had a really tough time last night. I was struggling to find meaning in what I have been doing day to day for the last few months, and I broke down. A release of emotions tends to help, but truthfully, I was hoping to feel better than I do today. I have this incredible goal I am working towards, and yet I question myself every step of the way. I think I get between myself and my own happiness more than I should. I’ve realized that it’s not just one thing or one goal that will make me happy. It’s living a life of purpose, one that contains new experiences and fulfillment every day. In the midst of my emotional release last night, I was thinking about how what I truly want to do is to travel the world. To get to know different people and places well, and to absorb the beauty that they have to offer. I am hoping that by pursuing this goal of teaching, I can get myself to a place where I am financially stable and can travel more often. I can’t say with certainty that this would even be a “fix”. I just hope that it allows me to feel more connected to others and to life. It helps to remind myself that these challenging times are temporary and that I can, and will, get through them. Looking forward to more beautiful, meaningful experiences this year.


yellows and golds 
were never my favorite 
my world 
it was silver and gray 
and black 
now there is more light 
and yellows dance around me
they pick me up 
when i am sad 
though those shades
linger on rainy days 
it is gold that is found
at the end of a rainbow 
when the clouds shy away

friday, july 12

I’ve been lacking inspiration as of late.  I consume information and ideas from the adults and children that I work with, from the shows I’m watching, from the social media platforms that I visit.  I’m overwhelmed and it’s affecting my wellbeing.  At the beginning of the month, my sister and I moved into a new apartment.  I love it here and it’s everything I’ve been wanting for a long time.  But for many reasons, some of which I can pinpoint and others I cannot, it’s not enough.  Having more space, having things to own, these do not bring you happiness.  They do not bring contentment or excitement or peace of mind.  With moving has come a lot of resurfaced anxiety.  I am slowly settling in and figuring out what I want to add to each day in order to relax and get to a good headspace again.  The summer is such a beautiful season, and I am missing a lot of it to sit inside and find ways to distract myself.  This post serves as a reminder to myself to get out there and enjoy my life.  It can be easy to forget that you only get one.  I will never be this young again.  I want to seize every opportunity to be alive.  I plan to recenter and rebuild a sense of wonderment inside.  I will be inspired again.