.guilt.

a fraction of a second
is already enough
is already too much
i wish the thoughts
would run away
as i attempt to drive them out
but they don’t
they stay
and i’m supposed to take comfort
in the fact
that your suffering is complete
that you always loved me
that i have your eyes
but now your work…
is mine

.light.

morning and i’m awake and panicked
night and i am drained
sleep
feels like a language that is dead
not romantic, but full of dread
the in between is suffocation
no escape
no memory
of why i thought it better to stay than go
who am i doing this for
it can’t be me because
im not here
im not here
im not here
i can’t be here
i don’t want to be here
i don’t want to be here or there or anywhere
it’s dark here…
there…
everywhere…
i can’t find the switch
did you lie?
is there even a light?

.wrong town.

i had a dream
i was running to your house
to find you
i remembered it was
down this road
take a right
up this hill
past that field
everything looks so familiar
it must be here
you must be here
i guess the want was too deep
that i just couldn’t see
because right before i woke
i realized
you weren’t going to be found
i was in the wrong town…