ilekso

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  • .light.

    morning and i’m awake and panicked
    night and i am drained
    sleep
    feels like a language that is dead
    not romantic, but full of dread
    the in between is suffocation
    no escape
    no memory
    of why i thought it better to stay than go
    who am i doing this for
    it can’t be me because
    i‘m not here
    i‘m not here
    i‘m not here
    i can’t be here
    i don’t want to be here
    i don’t want to be here or there or anywhere
    it’s dark here…
    there…
    everywhere…
    i can’t find the switch
    did you lie?
    is there even a light?

  • .wrong town.

    i had a dream
    i was running to your house
    to find you
    i remembered it was
    down this road
    take a right
    up this hill
    past that field
    everything looks so familiar
    it must be here
    you must be here
    i guess the want was too deep
    that i just couldn’t see
    because right before i woke
    i realized
    you weren’t going to be found
    i was in the wrong town…

  • .dive.

    can’t seem to pin down
    the cause of this fear
    i’ve been told there are no monsters
    in the water
    to bite my toes
    or waves
    that will cause me to falter
    so why do i continue to
    linger…
    wading close to shore
    before taking a chance
    and making the dive

  • .mine.

    i do not belong to you
    nor you to me
    and it may not be the eleventh minute
    after the eleventh hour
    and there may be no candles
    waiting to be extinguished
    but oh how i wish you were
    mine

  • .high.

    balloons and string
    that’s what you brought to me
    you set them on the table and you said
    where shall we tie all of these
    i should have known
    you would not wait for a reply
    as you tied them to my soul
    and to my mind
    suddenly
    as i looked around
    i found that my feet no longer
    touched the ground

  • .lost.

    there is a place i like to go

    when i’m feeling high

    when i’m feeling low

    it’s the place i am most aware

    the place i am most serene

    and if ever i am lost

    i think you know where to find me

  • hello world

    Hello there, everyone.  I realize this post is likely not going to be seen by anyone, let alone ‘everyone’.  This is quite alright with me.  It’s all more for myself right now.  I need a place to lay things out, to remember.  I decided to start this blog so that anyone out there who wanders by can get to know me.  I’m not too sure what I’m looking to get out of this; I guess I’m just hoping to put myself out there, drag back down to earth a few thoughts from the storms in my head, and have those thoughts resonate with others.  

    In this initial post, I would like to give you a little summary of who I am.  It seems a nearly impossible feat at times, but I think it may hopefully help you stick around in my little world.  Firstly, and most importantly, I am a lover.  I love everything, unless I decide that I hate it.  I love wholly and deeply and I get along best with those who do the same.  One of the things I love most is music.  It lifts me up when I am feeling down, and lets me sink into it when I need a place to land.  The people that make the music that flows through me each day are usually just as messed up as I am, and unsurprisingly, I love that too.  I believe that my purpose in this life is to spread joy, and love, and positivity.  I believe I am meant to create a safe space for others to express themselves and to love as passionately as I do.  I want to help others realize what is out there for them and what they can do with the life they are given. As humans, we have become distracted by many things, often beautiful and exciting things, but because they are ultimately distractions, we have work to do if we are going to decide to travel down the path of a good life, a meaningful life, a happy life.  

    Many of my posts on this blog will likely be about moments in my day where I feel free and content, sprinkled with moments that are a little less full of light.  If you happen to stumble into my world, I hope that you will decide to stay.  If anything that you have read strikes a match within you or makes you feel like you are floating, then please reach out to me so that I know I’m not alone, and so that I can reassure you of the same.